Finger Lickin Good

I don't think any foreign fast food chain in Pakistan has penetrated the Pakistani market quite like Kentucky Fried Chicken (KFC).


Despite the accretion of look a likes and pretenders to the crown, with the likes of Kohat Fried Chicken, Chicken & Chicken, HotNSpicy etc, KFC has reigned supreme. You'd be hard pressed to find a local fast food joint that didn't have a version of the Zinger.


I've come up with several reasons why I think that is:


1. KFC puts addictive drugs in their food. It might sound silly, but drugs are really cheap in Pakistan, we grow the stuff. Some do so on their lawns. Agricultural growth galore. Yay!


2. People like eating chicken as it is considered a premium meat. It's clean, hard to mess up and you can eat sizable quantities of it without needing to taking a nap in order to continue eating.


3. People keep pet cows and goats, no one has 'pet' chickens. So Pakistanis have less of an emotional connection to them. The Welsh Sheep Shaggers Guild agree.


4. Colonel Sanders looks like a Feudal lord/ Vedera. We love our feudal culture. And the Colonel with his white hair, great big moustache and portly figure fits right in (a little too snuggly of course, he eats nothing but fried chicken). He is always well dressed in a crisp suit, much the same way the stereotypical feudal lord. Please don't beat us Sir, we will eat your fried chicken for hundreds of years.


5. He is called Colonel Sanders....We were taught to respect the military. He is a Colonel after all. We are scared of a possible coup so we constantly appease him by adding to his bottom line, sacrificing our waistlines in the process. Sir!!! Yes!!! Sir!!!


6. Pakistani people are secretly black (or want to be). Stereotype and all. The people (urban or otherwise) eat a lot of heavy food and the Premium Fried Chicken fits right in. Also why Pakistanis like watching Basketball....we support our homeboys.


7. Pakistanis believe that Kentucky is not an American State. In fact the myth is that it's a place in England. KFC officials refuse to dispel this myth with their 'Tally ho' ad where Colonel Sanders is playing a nice game of cricket.


8. They tempt the people's palette. Every time they upgrade their burgers saying how super spicy they are, what they are really doing is throwing down the gauntlet. We do not back down from challenges. Yes we will eat 20 Super Hot Zinger Maxx Burgers at one go to prove our manhood (At the point with which they'll ask us to sign a release form before ordering a burger will be our moment of success). Burn Baby Burn!


9. They have the coolest Kids meals. Sick Toys which keep on breaking, so your forced to go back and buy more.


10. It is finger licking good. Pakistanis also believe that vast amounts of fried food have healing qualities that will sustain us in the after like. Chicken, Corn on the Cobb, Zingers etc. Awesome food. Dear Chicken....get in my Tummy!